Monday, June 23, 2008

Sleeping with Sock Monkeys...I'm Cheap!

I love Target, probably in a way that is not entirely healthy. Ryann and I now have a matching pair of these adorable sock monkey pajamas and do you want to know the best part? They were on clearance for SIX BUCKS at Target! I may now have to return and stock up so that I can give a few of these out for Christmas. They are ridiculously cute and comfy. Of course, Ryann has vowed never to wear them at the same time that I'm wearing mine, but I'll catch her slipping one of these days! Bet on it!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Eternal Optimist

I'm an optimist...a very pollyanna, glass half full, lemonade out of lemons, see the best in everybody and everything optimist. I've always seen myself that way, and the people I'm very close to would agree. So it's been sort of strange for me to read back through this blog and not see that at all. In fact, see the very opposite of that. I know this has been a place for me to vent and I suppose I've needed that, because this has been a dark couple of years for me. I'm not going to stop venting, but I'd also like to find more balance and make this blog more true to who I really am. So today I'm going to talk about five exciting and happy things that have been going on with me for the many many months I've been gone:

1. Ryann turned ten. My girl is double digits. Impossible to believe! She's such a sweet soul. We have epic mother/daughter battles, but she's smart, funny, thoughtful and beautiful inside and out and I'm so proud to be her mom. She has shot up in the past year. She is almost as tall as me!?!?! We're in the process of leaving behind shopping in the girls' section in favor of the juniors' section. She did great on all her testing this year. She scored perfect in the writing portion of her Stanford test and scored high school levels in most areas of the test.

2. K and I celebrated another anniversary at Hotel Icon. This was in the middle of some of a lot of drama, and we couldn't really decide whether or not we wanted to do anything at all for anniversary, but we did and I'm glad. We had a nice time.

3. I am really getting so much more organized and neat. I've started doing parts of the flylady system and it has made a huge difference in my house and my life. This has been something I've really struggled with my whole life. I'm messy, but it's like a light bulb went off and it's a work in progress and I have a long way to go to get it to where I want it to be, but I am decluttering and keeping the areas that I've already decluttered very clean. The biggest thing for me has been organizing. Once I figure out a place for everything, it's so much easier to keep it neat. Also, my car used to be a HUGE MESS. No more!! It stays clean and organized! I'm very proud of myself.

4. My ear surgery was a success, so I can hear out of my left ear. Hell to the yeah!! I'm very excited about this. I'm still trying to get used to it. I still always talk on the phone on the right side, but it's just out of habit. I still don't hear as well as most people do in either ear, but it is so much better than it was and I feel very blessed to have had the surgery in both ears. Without them, I would barely be able to hear at all.

5. I got a new car. Well, it's actually an suv, but I call it a car. It's a Honda CRV and I LOVE IT!! It looks like this:

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Violated yeah, it's uh...been awhile. Which is strange, because if ever there was a time in my life where there was a plethora of blogging material, it has been these last months. So let's catch you up, where were we last? Ah yes...knee surgery. So after the knee surgery, I was on crutches for too freaking long and going to physical therapy and just pretty pathetic, actually. Then, in December, I had ear surgery. After surgery, my ear got infected and I got really sick. That sucked. So then at the end of March, my marriage hits a speed bump. Well, not a speed bump as much as an iceberg or a mountain or something way bigger than a speedbump. There was a really rough stretch of time there where I felt a rage I didn't know I had. I hit the wall and hurt my thumb. I kicked a hole in the wall and almost broke my foot. My doctor put me on anti-depressants. I stopped taking them. I think I still need them. The marriage is still in limbo, but I do think we're making progress and being more real with each other than we've ever been, so that is good, I suppose. I'm finally getting my shit together as far as not being so messy. I'm getting organized and setting up systems and ridding my life of clutter. I would post pictures, but MY FUCKING HOUSE WAS BROKEN INTO last week and they took my laptop (with all my pictures...sob!). Ryann had three jars of money on the counter, one for giving, one for saving and one for spending and OF COURSE they took all of that. They also took our big screen tv and lots of other things. It took the police 40 minutes to get to my house, and he was less than helpful when he was here. I had come home early from work because our air conditioner was broke and I was going to meet the repair guy (of course the a/c was broke b/c obviously, God hates me) and our door was wide open and the frame was broken off of it. It was not a good day. Then, two days after the break-in, K had to leave to go to Las Vegas for work for a week and a half. So I'm jumpy. Ryann is sleeping in the bed with me and I don't know that we'll EVER get her back in her room after this. I feel so violated. I can't believe someone went through my things. I can't believe somebody has all of my pictures. I can't sleep, I need to deal with all of the insurance stuff, but I don't know all the technical details needed for it, I'm angry, I can't concentrate and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Or maybe go swimming...or sit in a hottub. That would work too! This past year has been really difficult. I wish I could just learn whatever lessons I am supposed to be learning. OMG...the post is boring and self pitying, but it did feel good to get it out there. Maybe I will actually try to post a little more frequently. The months I've been gone haven't been near as bad as they sound, but there were some really low points and I'm just feeling really lonely and sorry for myself at the moment, so humor me. Please.