Issues and new shoes!

I've been trying to write this post for a week. I keep starting or meaning to start, but I keep getting overwhelmed. Overwhelmed overwhelmed overwhelmed. It's the story of my life, really. I get overwhelmed...and freeze! I do nothing. I feel ridiculously guilty for not doing what I know I should be doing, but I can't seem to make myself just.do.it! I stick my head in the sand and hope it goes away. My life is going to live itself without any effort from me. This post is going to miraculously write itself. Because I have a lot to say.

My grandmother is an immigrant from England, and she's a very interesting lady. She lives in San Antonio and has the coolest accent evah! She line dances and walks her dog over a mile every.single.day. She has a busier social life than I've had since...since...I don't even know when. She hasn't had an easy life. She and my grandfather divorced long before I was born, and I never met him. My father was the oldest of two boys and my uncle died in a plane crash when I was very young. She's strong and smart and I'm honored to know her, much less be related to her. She's the only grandparent of mine that is still alive and I don't see her near enough. Anyway, I think I mentioned in passing in another post that we're broke. We've been having some major financial issues. Last weekend, I received a check (or cheque, as she would write) from her for $5000. I was speechless, and that doesn't happen often. Her thinking is that she'd rather give me money now while she's still alive and I need it. I'm putting a big chunk of it into a savings account and saving it for future rainy days, but some of it is going to help with the rainy days I'm going through now. It's such a relief to not have to worry about how I'm going to pay the coinsurance for my surgery, etc... I feel so blessed to have such an amazing family who is always ready and willing to lend a hand and I feel so undeserving of all they do for me. Also? I'm in awe of how things seem to work out. I guess that's why (though you might not be able to tell it from this blog and all the venting I do) I'm such an optimist. Anyway...I'm blessed!

So last week when I started to write a post, my marriage seemed to be in fairly good shape. Today, I don't know how the hell it seems. K had been sleeping back in our bedroom for awhile and we seemed to be getting along. He went out of town on business this weekend, and we got into an argument while he was gone and he slept in the guest room last night. I don't know what he's going to do when my mom is here and he can't sleep in the guest bedroom . We're cordial and talking today, but I don't know how things stand. I can't put too much mental energy into it at the moment, because I'm too busy obsessing over my upcoming knee surgery. Obsessing and planning, but mostly obsessing because planning? Not my strong suit people! Well, that's not exactly true...I'm pretty good at planning, it's following through that is a bitch for me.

Aaaannnnyyyyywwwwaaaaaaaaayyyyy, surgery is this Friday. My parents will be here Thursday night. My mom is staying about a week, but my dad is only staying a day or two and then going to see his very awesome mom. I'm not really nervous about the actual surgery. I feel very confident in my surgeon (only partially b/c I've seen him so much on tv while watching Texans games the past few weeks and I figure if he's good enough for their knees...by golly...he's good enough for mine). I'm more worried about the pain afterwards. Right now, I'm not hurting all the time and when I am hurting, it's more achy than sharp, unbearable type pain. But I expect it to hurt like hell afterwards. And hello? Do you watch Brothers and Sisters b/c Justin's knee is hurt, too and he's really in a whole lotta pain? But he's not taking pain pills (and I will be)...so that's encouraging. I'm also REALLY worried about the logistics afterwards. I'm not really worried about the first week, because my mom is going to be here. But after that? Especially if K and I are not on good terms? I'm not looking forward to that. I think I am going to get Ryann's hair put in cornrows, so it's one less thing to worry about and maybe I'll get a maid to come every other week or every week, so that K doesn't go completely insane and the house doesn't get even MORE junkie! I'm worried about when I'm going to be able to drive and how I'm going to be on crutches for so long when it hurt my hands so badly to be on them for a week or two.

I'm worried and if there are two things I know well and am good at...it's worry and guilt. I'm overflowing with both at the moment. Oh and I'm overwhelmed...because there's a lot to do before my surgery and my surgery is Friday and that's what? 3 1/2 days away? Ohmygosh...am panicking! I'll probably go make a list (or go watch the end of the Cowboys game? Oh or maybe watch the Bachelor b/c I'm dvring it right now and he's going to switch w/his twin and that sounds entertaining), even though what I REALLY need to do is finish cleaning the guest bedroom. Because I did start it (OVER.A.WEEK.AGO!) and there's really not TOO much left to do, but I just can't seem to finish. I also need to clean the fridge out and organize the pantry, because I don't want my mom to work too much and she will...because she rocks...but I want to make it as easy as possible on her and on K. It's a good thing I work well under pressure, but boy, do I feel like I'm cutting it close and am not going to have time to do everything I want/need to do. Because I also want to get my eyebrows waxed and buy new Crocs before surgery and it would be a huge bonus if I had time to go to the mall and get some MAC makeup b/c my asshole...I mean, really sweet dog, Trixie, ate my lipstick and lip pencil and I'm out of powder. Ohmygosh and a haircut would be divine, but I don't see it happening!

Clearly...I have issues! (But I also have three new pairs of really awesome, really comfortable shoes from Target and that makes me happy!) So take that, issues!!

Talk to my lawyer!

So Ryann is gone for the month. We took her to my brother's house this weekend, and spent a lovely weekend lounging poolside and visiting with them and admiring my adorable nephews. My arms and chest are pink and scaly proof, thank you very much. My girl, she is adapting well to the high life. She's being taxied around in an Escalade and partying EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. as she told me as we chatted on the phone Wednesday while she was between social engagements. Monday was Gattitown, Tuesday was Chuck E Cheese and Wednesday they hosted a 4th of July party where they were going to do really fun things, like arts and crafts, and all of the neighborhood kids were invited. My parents are going to pick her up this weekend along with my nephew and my cousin and take them to the beach, where I'm quite sure a good time will be had by all. My nephew is quite the little lawyer. He is a master negotiater, that child. It's fascinating to watch him negotiate how many bites of food he has to eat for each meal. When my parents asked if he'd like to come along on the beach trip, he told them he had to give it some thought. After thinking it over, he told his mother that he needed to ask Opa some questions. He called my father and very solemnly asked some very critical things, like...Will there be a playstation? Apparently, he was satisfied with the reponses, and has decided to join them. Hooray! I'm quite jealous! Not only was I in bed on the 4th of July with a nasty stomach virus, but I have to miss out on this adventure that my brave brave parents are about to embark upon. Oh well, while they are partying like rockstars, I'm going to be enjoying my closet addiction of Big Brother guilt free! What a treat!

P.S. If you haven't gone to see Transformers yet, do so immediately. No really, I'll go with you if you want! I could see it again and again. I like it THAT much, and I reaaaaaaaaally wasn't expecting to.

Obsess much?

Me: Baby, have you seen that SWAT show on A&E? It's fantastic! I just found it today, and I'm already totally addicted to it.

K: You're addicted to anything you do more than once!

Me: Nuh uh! I'm not addicted to cleaning.

K: I said something you do more than once.

Me: Jackass!

I don't think I've mentioned this because it's not something that I'm particularly proud of, but I have a highly addictive personality. Whenever I find something I'm interested in or something I like, I tend to dive in headfirst and get slightly obsessed with it. Case in point, I've been googling SWAT today and reading the episode descriptions and bios of the super hot SWAT guys. Also? I'm flighty, so my obsessions come and go. I think it's charming. He thinks it's really annoying. What can I say? The show is amazing. I spent much of Sunday afternoon watching a SWAT marathon, and now I MUST see them all. It's quite compelling, and I have a thing for criminology and law.

In unrelated news, my hair looks like shit today! Oh and? I'm in desperate need of a nap.