Monday, July 23, 2007

Slipping back to normal

This picture was taken after my company Christmas party the Christmas before last. We spent about an hour laughing and taking pictures of ourselves after the party. We don't have many pictures of the two of us together, but there are several from that night that I really like.

Anyway, Ryann's home! YAY!!! She was supposed to be gone one more week, but she was starting to get homesick and we were more than happy to go scoop her up this weekend. It's lovely to have her home. I swear she's grown an inch and a half in the three weeks she's been gone and she's now taller than my mother-in-law.

It's sort of a blessing and a curse to have her home. It's a blessing for obvious reasons, I missed her like mad and it's fun to have her around. But it's a curse because it distracts us from dealing with our issues. K was reading a book on the drive home from picking her up and gave an ironic little laugh at a sentence he just read. It talked about how easy it is to fall back into intimacy, into the touches and hugs and conversations that make up every day life without any decisions being made. This has been a problem for us. It's our pattern. None of these issues we have are new, they're issues we've been facing (avoiding) all along. We're stuck in this loop, and nothing scares me more than falling right back into the loop without dealing with these demons. It's so comfortable to fall right back into intimacy, but I think we're both acutely aware of that fork in the road I talked about last time.

We start counseling tomorrow. I'm nervous. I'm really happy that Ryann is home to distract me.


Jenny said...

Oh girl, I'm so giving you a hug right now. I've gone though a lot of struggles in my own marriage...often getting to the point of counseling but then things will seem to blow over and we slip back into old habits until it all boils over again. Those patterns never end unless you take steps to end them...but it's so damn hard to take those steps.

If you find out the secret please tell me.

Jessica said...

Thanks Jenny! It is hard to take those steps. I find it much easier to fall back into our routine. I will certainly share if I discover the secret. If not, I may need massive amounts of beergaritas!

Margaret said...

Big hugs to you. It's such a hard first step. But it will be better for you both - for your marriage. Take it one step at a time. I always noticed sometimes it got harder after an appointment.

Thinkin' about ya!

Jessica said...

Thanks for the heads up Margaret. It really helps to hear from someone who has been there.

Jenny said...

You, me, possibly Margaret and a pitcher full of beergaritas. I'm there.

Margaret said...

Hope you are doing okay. Thinking about ya!!

And what does Jenny mean by "possibly Margaret"???? PPPPbbbbttttt (yeah, real mature, I Know).

Oh, The Joys said...

Well... at least you have your hubs beautiful eyes to look into when things get rough!