Thursday, September 20, 2007

Somebody up there hates me...

Somebody down here hates me, too! That would be K. I know I posted before that he hated me, well, he hates me again. Shockingly enough, it's for the exact two reasons he hated me before.

1. I'm messy
2. Our dogs

I'm never going to be the neatest or most organized person in the world. It's just not going to happen. I have ADD, and that's not really an excuse, but it sure as hell doesn't help. I'm so much better than I used to be, but hurting my leg and then getting sick has thrown a whole new kink into the system. It's not like I was really taking care of everything that needed to be taken care of before, but sick and injured, I'm able to take care of even less, so laundry duties and cooking and cleaning the kitchen duties have fallen on K. I can tell he resents me for it. That's fine. He doesn't really ever give me credit for the things I DO do, and if he's obviously having to work so much harder and do so much more and the house looks pretty much exactly like it did before I was hurt, then obviously I WAS doing SOMETHING to begin with, right? I guess not!

Also, and I will admit that this is my fault...our dogs have really done a number on our house. I'm honestly doing the best I can with them and I am at my wit's end. I love Trixie, but I was a huge idiot for getting her. I think I may have to try to find another home for her, and that breaks my heart. Another thing? (Because you can never have TOO many things go wrong at once) We're broke! Seriously broke! I am panicking and I feel like I am drowning or suffocating. K let me know last night that as soon as my leg is better after surgery that he is leaving. I told him that it wasn't necessary to wait until then. I'm so angry and scared that I don't know what to do. I'm still sick...I've thrown up pretty much everything I've eaten since Saturday and I'm weak and exhausted. I REALLY do not need this right now. Talk about kicking a girl while she's down! I slept on the couch last night. This should be fun.


Margaret said...

If you need to talk, let me know. Will email you my number...seriously. we can even meet for lunch this weekend.

I've been there. With the dogs. With the marriage. With the messiness. With the brokeness.

SEnding you hugs!

Margaret said...

It's been about 20 minutes....your post is running thru my head.

I wish I had the right words to say.

I'm so sorry, Jess....

Jessica said...

Thank you, Margaret! It doesn't feel final, ya know? We have so many ups and downs and I can't even count the number of times we've gone through this. I guess it just seems harder now b/c of EVERYTHING else I'm going through at the same time.

Margaret said...

just checkin on ya