Monday, August 07, 2006

When the shoe is on the other foot...

So my coworker had her baby yesterday. I almost went to the hospital tonight to see her, but I decided against it for a couple of reasons. For one thing, I spent so much time at the same hospital last week w/my SIL and her new baby that the staff might suspect me of trying to steal a baby were I to be there AGAIN this week. Another reason is that I'm a little resentful of this pregnancy. Let me tell you why. Because I'm horrible and judgemental and that's why. Here's the backstory. My coworker was married with two little girls. Her husband was a really great guy. In addition to working full time, my coworker was in school getting a Master's degree. She meets a guy in school, decides to leave her husband and kids and moves into an apartment with the guy. She's basically supporting this guy, he doesn't have a car or a job. She's barely spending any time with the two kids that she does have. So she and new guy decide to try to have a baby. Mind you this is a month or two after leaving her husband, she hadn't even filed for divorce yet. So the first month, nothing. But the second month...BAM...knocked up! Now she's someone I consider a friend...she knew that during this whole time period I had been trying to get pregnant. I had also given her my wise as an owl assvice about maybe she should wait a bit to make any huge decisions. Something along the lines of, if you want to leave your husband, fine, but be on your own for five minutes before moving in with someone else. So anyway, fast forward to a month or two ago and she tells me that she left the new guy, and was apartment hunting. I find out today that she had the baby last night, she's doing great, registered anonymously so new guy couldn't find her and we're having a little get together for her next week at her apartment. Maybe it's stupid and petty, and I'm a real jerk, but it's a tough pill to swallow. Oh and another reason I didn't go is b/c I have the whole house to myself and I really felt like staying home and being lazy.

Here's the thing...once upon a time...I was "that girl!" Well not THAT girl, but someone that I certainly might resent at this point in my life. I was 21 and had been dating this loser for over a year. Long story short, I got pregnant and we broke up the second I told him I was pregnant. He demanded I have an abortion and I wouldn't. REALLY long story short, and maybe one day I'll tell the long story b/c it's so crucial to who I am now, I end up in a maternity home. It really changed my life. I got myself together, moved into an apartment after my daughter was born. I worked part time and went back to college full-time and met K when my daughter was two and now we are living happily ever after. I often forget that my daughter is not biologically my husband's, and I refer to the loser as the sperm donor. Daughter has never met loser (by his choice then), and it's turned out for the best. She's a total daddy's girl and K is such an amazing dad. She was the first grandchild in both of our families and she is super spoiled. When I was in labor with my daughter, I spent the night at the hospital by myself. I told my parents not to come until the morning because it was late and the doctor felt like nothing would happen until the next day anyway. My houseparents from the maternity home, which I affectionately dubbed "The Orphanage" went home to sleep. I remember feeling really sorry for myself and thinking of how this is definitely not how it's supposed to be...all alone in a hospital with nothing but your thoughts to keep you company. All in all, I was in labor for 26 hours. The hours I spent alone that night were the loneliest of my life.

Well that's not even close to being the full story, but you get the gist of it anyway. My point is...I wonder who came across my path and knew my story back that were hurt and resentful by my situation.

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